I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
