Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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