I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Holy sore nipples Batman
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
