allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
