i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
