he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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