Screwed.edu
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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