im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
