Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
