WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
