My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
