mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
