I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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