Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
