i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When are your genitals available?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
