I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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