how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Define "chronic" masturbator.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
