everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
3 2 1 whiskey
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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