capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
