Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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