woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
