Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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