On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
