I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
