im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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