It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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