i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
