I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
