Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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