whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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