what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
