If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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