Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
