i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
