I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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