Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
