You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
