Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
