She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
