best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
