pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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