My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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