So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
