I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
