Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
