Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she peed on how many people?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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