I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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