that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
