My hand turned me down
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
