I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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